Chapter Sixteen: Cloak of Competency - Mastery of Disguise

Neurodivergent children often mask their struggles to appear competent, leading to exhaustion and hidden distressDiscover why we should use Adaptive Skills over IQ when determining the level of need for our kids.

Chapter Sixteen Summary

Chapter 16, “Cloak of Competency: Mastery of Disguise,” explores the phenomenon of neurodivergent masking—when children and teens conceal their struggles to appear more capable than they feel. The chapter opens with Shay, a student exhausted from masking her difficulties during a theater rehearsal, highlighting how the pressure to perform and fit in can lead to emotional burnout and anxiety. This “cloak of competency” allows children to mimic peers, use rehearsed responses, and avoid asking for help, often fooling even professionals into believing they are coping well. The cost is high: ongoing masking can erode self-identity and lead to psychological distress.

The chapter details common symptoms, such as perfectionism in public, selective communication, and social compensation strategies like humor or taking on helper roles to avoid unpredictable peer interactions. These behaviors are often misinterpreted as laziness, defiance, or inconsistency, when in reality they are coping mechanisms for hidden challenges.

To support children, the chapter introduces the PATHS method (Prepare, Assess, Teach, Hold, Support), a structured approach to fostering social confidence at a comfortable pace. Strategies include creating predictable environments, allowing choice, and supporting gradual social growth. The neuroscience section explains how brain regions like the prefrontal cortex, amygdala, hippocampus, and insula contribute to masking behaviors, especially in children with ASD, ADHD, FASD, or trauma histories. The chapter concludes with a personal reflection on the author’s own masking experiences, underscoring the universal need for understanding and support rather than pressure to conform.

Key Takeaways for Parents/Caregivers

Struggle Masks

The “cloak of competency” describes how neurodivergent children and teens mask their struggles to appear more capable or “neurotypical” than they actually feel

Coping Strategy

Masking is both a conscious and subconscious coping strategy to fit societal expectations, often at the expense of mental health and self-identity

Processing Speed Challenges

Processing speed challenges are central to masking—kids may mimic peers, nod along, or use rehearsed scripts to hide confusion or difficulty

Underlying Struggles

The act of masking is so convincing that even professionals can miss the underlying struggles, leading to misinterpretation of behaviors

Symptomology

Symptoms of masking include perfectionism in public, selective communication, and sophisticated social compensation strategies like humor or taking on helper roles to avoid unpredictable peer interactions

Physical and Emotional Toll

Masking can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, emotional burnout, and loss of authentic self-expression

Misunderstood Symptoms

Children who mask are often misunderstood as lazy, manipulative, defiant, or inconsistent, when in reality these are survival strategies

Stigma and Negative Expectations

The term “cloak of competency” is sometimes criticized for potentially perpetuating stigma and negative expectations, increasing isolation for neurodivergent children

Build Social Confidence

The PATHS method (Prepare, Assess, Teach, Hold, Support) offers a structured, flexible approach to help children build social confidence at their own pace

Social-Emotional Readiness

It’s important to assess a child’s actual social-emotional readiness and celebrate small steps, rather than pushing too hard or holding back too much

Brain Regions

Key brain regions involved in masking include the prefrontal cortex (self-monitoring), amygdala (emotional response), hippocampus (memory), and insula (emotional awareness)

Cognitive and Other Deficits

Masking is often driven by deficits in cognition, language processing, memory, executive function, and attention—each contributing to the need to “cover up” challenges

Join the Conversation

We invite you to delve deeper into the transformative insights of Embracing Hope. Share your experiences with Chapter five and connect with a community of caregivers dedicated to making a difference. Your story could inspire others on their journey.