Chapter Sixteen: Cloak of Competency - Mastery of Disguise
Neurodivergent children often mask their struggles to appear competent, leading to exhaustion and hidden distressDiscover why we should use Adaptive Skills over IQ when determining the level of need for our kids.
Key Takeaways for Parents/Caregivers
Struggle Masks
The “cloak of competency” describes how neurodivergent children and teens mask their struggles to appear more capable or “neurotypical” than they actually feel
Coping Strategy
Masking is both a conscious and subconscious coping strategy to fit societal expectations, often at the expense of mental health and self-identity
Processing Speed Challenges
Processing speed challenges are central to masking—kids may mimic peers, nod along, or use rehearsed scripts to hide confusion or difficulty
Underlying Struggles
The act of masking is so convincing that even professionals can miss the underlying struggles, leading to misinterpretation of behaviors
Symptomology
Symptoms of masking include perfectionism in public, selective communication, and sophisticated social compensation strategies like humor or taking on helper roles to avoid unpredictable peer interactions
Physical and Emotional Toll
Masking can lead to exhaustion, anxiety, emotional burnout, and loss of authentic self-expression
Misunderstood Symptoms
Children who mask are often misunderstood as lazy, manipulative, defiant, or inconsistent, when in reality these are survival strategies
Stigma and Negative Expectations
The term “cloak of competency” is sometimes criticized for potentially perpetuating stigma and negative expectations, increasing isolation for neurodivergent children
Build Social Confidence
The PATHS method (Prepare, Assess, Teach, Hold, Support) offers a structured, flexible approach to help children build social confidence at their own pace
Social-Emotional Readiness
It’s important to assess a child’s actual social-emotional readiness and celebrate small steps, rather than pushing too hard or holding back too much
Brain Regions
Key brain regions involved in masking include the prefrontal cortex (self-monitoring), amygdala (emotional response), hippocampus (memory), and insula (emotional awareness)
Cognitive and Other Deficits
Masking is often driven by deficits in cognition, language processing, memory, executive function, and attention—each contributing to the need to “cover up” challenges
Explore Further
Recommended Readings
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