Embracing Hope

Chapter 20: When the Going Gets Tough, Cultivate Respect

Cultivating respect and core values transforms parenting neurodiverse children into a journey of growth

Chapter Twenty Summary

Chapter 20, “When the Going Gets Tough, Cultivate Respect,” focuses on the challenges and rewards of parenting neurodiverse children. The authors emphasize that children are not defined by their behaviors or symptoms; rather, their unique wiring requires parents to respond with empathy, patience, and respect. Parenting neurodiverse children often intensifies the typical ups and downs of family life, and parents may face judgment from others for not “managing” their children as expected. The chapter urges parents to take the “high road,” prioritizing love and respect over fear and frustration, and to foster a home environment rooted in dignity and mutual understanding.

The authors liken parenting to cultivating a garden, requiring ongoing nurturing, patience, and intentional care. They outline nine core values—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—that help create a respectful and thriving home.

The chapter acknowledges the emotional toll of caregiving and the importance of self-care for parents. Personal stories from the authors’ wives illustrate the need for parents to adapt their approaches, let go of unrealistic expectations, and embrace the unique journey of their children.

The chapter concludes by encouraging parents to advocate for their children, involve them in important conversations, focus on their strengths, and remember that everyone needs support at times. Above all, it stresses that a child’s identity is not defined by their disability, and that self-care and grace are vital for both parent and child to flourish.

Key Takeaways for Parents/Caregivers

Individuality

Children are not their behaviors or symptoms; respect their individuality

Different Wiring Configuration

Neurodiverse children’s brains are wired differently, not willfully disrespectful

Love and Respect

Focus on love and respect instead of fear or frustration

Dignity and Understanding

Cultivate a home environment based on dignity and mutual understanding

Nine Core Values

Practice nine core values: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control

Self-Care

Self-care is essential for sustaining the strength needed for caregiving

Adapt Parenting Style

Adapt parenting strategies to fit each child’s unique needs

Celebrate Strengths not Difficulties

Celebrate your child’s strengths and achievements, not just focus on difficulties

Confidence and Understanding

Involve your child in conversations with professionals to build confidence and understanding

Advocate for Your Child

Advocate for your child in various settings, but remember you know them best

Become a Knowledge Seeker

Seek knowledge and resources to better support your child’s needs

Give Yourself Grace

Give yourself grace—perfection is not required, and self-compassion is vital

Explore Further

Recommended Readings
Additional Resources

Join the Conversation

We invite you to delve deeper into the transformative insights of Embracing Hope. Share your experiences with Chapter twenty and connect with a community of caregivers dedicated to making a difference. Your story could inspire others on their journey.

Share Your Story