Embracing Hope

Chapter Six: Insights to Self-Esteem

Discover why we should use Adaptive Skills over IQ when determining the level of need for our kids. 

Chapter Six Summary

Chapter 6, “Insights to Self-Esteem,” explores the essential distinction between a child’s cognitive abilities (IQ) and their adaptive skills—practical, everyday competencies needed for independence. Through real-life stories, the chapter illustrates how children may excel in intellectual tasks, such as solving complex puzzles or coding, yet struggle with daily routines or social interactions. IQ, or Intelligence Quotient, measures problem-solving and reasoning, but does not capture the broader set of adaptive skills like communication, self-care, and social navigation that are critical for thriving in real-world environments.

The chapter outlines three main dimensions of intelligence—conceptual, mechanical, and behavioral—and contrasts these with the three pillars of adaptive skills: conceptual (planning, organization), practical (self-care, safety), and social (relationship building, emotional regulation).

Practical strategies, such as the BUILD™ Method, are provided to help parents and caregivers leverage a child’s cognitive strengths to support the development of adaptive skills. This includes using visual tools like mind maps, collaborative goal-setting, gradual skill-building, and celebrating small victories to foster growth and confidence.

Additionally, the chapter highlights how specific brain regions and domains—such as executive function, attention, language, and emotional regulation—affect adaptive skills, particularly for neurodiverse children. Understanding these connections empowers families to advocate effectively and create supportive environments. Ultimately, the chapter emphasizes that a child’s true potential is realized by nurturing both intellectual abilities and adaptive skills, equipping them to navigate life’s challenges with greater independence and resilience

Key Takeaways for Parents/Caregivers

Emotional Fuel Tank

Self-esteem acts as an “emotional fuel tank” for children, especially those who are neurodiverse, and requires regular, intentional support to keep it filled

Self-Esteem Fluctuates

Children’s self-esteem is not constant; it fluctuates day to day and is difficult to measure, making it important for parents to be attentive to subtle changes

Building Resilient Self-Esteem

Building resilient self-esteem is about nurturing an inner voice that affirms a child’s worth, regardless of performance or challenges faced

Risk of Low Self-Esteem

Neurodiverse children (such as those with ASD, ADHD, or FASD) are at a significantly higher risk for low self-esteem and related mental health challenges, including suicidal ideation, highlighting the need for early intervention and parental support

Symptoms of Low-Self-Esteem

Symptoms of low self-esteem are often misinterpreted as behavioral problems and can include social withdrawal, emotional dysregulation, and communication difficulties

Building Positive Self-Esteem

Celebrating small wins and daily achievements helps reinforce a child’s self-worth and builds positive neural pathways associated with confidence

Recognizing Strengths

Creating a personalized “strengths list” helps children recognize and internalize their unique talents and positive traits, counteracting negative self-talk

Brain Region Roles

Brain regions such as the prefrontal cortex, anterior cingulate cortex, and amygdala have specific roles in self-reflection, emotional self-awareness, and emotional regulation, all of which impact self-esteem

Influence of Memory Systems

Memory systems influence how children recall their achievements; visible reminders of past successes can help them access confidence in new situations.

Impact of Executive Function

Executive function difficulties can make planning and organization overwhelming, leading to self-doubt; breaking tasks into small steps and celebrating progress can scaffold success

Emotional Self-Regulation

Attention and affect regulation (emotional self-regulation) are critical; creating environments and routines that support a child’s unique attention and emotional patterns can foster a sense of competence and security.

Adult Support for Confidence

Supportive adults, like teachers or librarians, play a crucial role in helping children find and use creative outlets to manage anxiety and build confidence.

Explore Further

Recommended Readings
Additional Resources

Join the Conversation

We invite you to delve deeper into the transformative insights of Embracing Hope. Share your experiences with Chapter six and connect with a community of caregivers dedicated to making a difference. Your story could inspire others on their journey.

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