Embracing Hope

Chapter Fifteen: Self-Regulation - Controlling Internal Pressures

Neurodiverse teens require extra support and patience to develop self-regulation skills, as their brains process emotions, attention, and impulses differently, making everyday challenges like transitions and emotional control much harder than for neurotypical peers

Chapter Fifteen Summary

Chapter 15, “Self-Regulation: Controlling Internal Pressures,” explores the challenges neurodiverse teens face in managing their emotions, behaviors, and responses to everyday stressors. The chapter opens with a vivid cafeteria scene where Zak, overwhelmed by sensory overload and social tension, reacts impulsively to a confrontation. This story illustrates how self-regulation difficulties often manifest as “bad behavior,” but are rooted in complex neurological and emotional processes.

The chapter outlines three main dimensions of intelligence—conceptual, mechanical, and behavioral—and contrasts these with the three pillars of adaptive skills: conceptual (planning, organization), practical (self-care, safety), and social (relationship building, emotional regulation).

The chapter offers practical strategies for caregivers, including using emotion charts to build self-awareness and practicing role-play to rehearse responses to challenging situations. These approaches help teens recognize body signals, expand emotional vocabulary, and develop coping strategies. The neuroscience section explains how brain regions like the prefrontal cortex, anterior cingulate cortex, and amygdala contribute to self-regulation, and how deficits in executive function, memory, and attention can exacerbate difficulties.

Additionally, the chapter highlights how specific brain regions and domains—such as executive function, attention, language, and emotional regulation—affect adaptive skills, particularly for neurodiverse children. Understanding these connections empowers families to advocate effectively and create supportive environments. Ultimately, the chapter emphasizes that a child’s true potential is realized by nurturing both intellectual abilities and adaptive skills, equipping them to navigate life’s challenges with greater independence and resilience

Key Takeaways for Parents/Caregivers

Internal Control Center

Self-regulation is like an internal control center, coordinating emotional, cognitive, and physiological responses to both internal and external demands

Process Information Differently

Neurodiverse children (with FASD, ASD, ADHD, or trauma histories) process information differently, making self-regulation more challenging and energy-intensive than for neurotypical peers

Neurological Differences

Emotional dysregulation often looks like “bad behavior” but is rooted in neurological differences, not intentional defiance

Common Symptoms

Common symptoms of self-regulation challenges include overreacting to minor frustrations, mood swings, slow recovery after upset, and difficulty calming down

Not Simple Stubbornness

Difficulty with transitions and shifting attention is not simply stubbornness; it results from struggles with mental flexibility and processing change

Impulsive Responses

Impulse control struggles are common—neurodiverse teens may experience a delay between thought and the ability to inhibit action, leading to impulsive responses

Prevelance of Self-Regulation Challenges

Self-regulation challenges are highly prevalent: over 50% of children with ADHD and four times as many children with ASD face serious emotional regulation difficulties compared to neurotypical peers

Early Diagnosis

Early diagnosis, strength-based approaches, and consistent interventions can significantly improve outcomes in academic performance and social relationships

Emotion Chart not Sticker Chart

Emotion charts help teens identify and communicate their feelings, building self-awareness and emotional vocabulary

Brain Regions

Social and emotional regulation are as important as practical skills for independence.

Executive Funtion Deficits

Executive function deficits (planning, working memory, inhibition) make it harder for neurodiverse teens to pause, process, and plan before reacting

Affect Regulation

Affect regulation acts as an emotional thermostat, helping balance emotional intensity; sensitive thermostats can lead to big reactions or shutdowns

Explore Further

Recommended Readings
Additional Resources

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