Embracing Hope Book

Offer Choices to Empower Control

Giving your child a metaphorical steering wheel during changes can empower them more than one might think.

Why this works: Choice-making activates decision-making centers in the brain, reducing resistance by creating agency.

Here are examples.

How long for each step:

• • “Do you need 2 or 3 minutes to put away your clothes?”
  • “Should we use the big or the small timer for packing up?”
  • “Would you like to take three deep breaths or count to 10 before we move?”
  • “Should we use the sand timer or the digital timer to track your cleanup time?”

Consider the order of transitions.

• • “Would you like to put away your books first or organize your desk first?”
  • “Should we pack your lunch before or after getting dressed?”
  • “Do you want to start with your hardest transition task or easiest?”
  • “Would you rather get your backpack ready now or after breakfast?”
  • “Would you prefer using the back hallway or going through the commons area?”
  • “Do you want to leave class a couple of minutes early or wait until the rush dies down?”
  • “Should we take the elevator or stairs to avoid the crowded hallway?”
  • “Would you rather walk with your headphones on or chat while we move?”

Offer which tools to use.

• • “Do you want to use your phone timer or your smartwatch for tracking?”
  • “Would you prefer checking your schedule app or using your written planner?”
  • “Should we set up text reminders or use your transition playlist?”
  • “Do you want to use your noise-canceling earbuds or your hoodie for a sensory buffer?”

If they need support for who to transition with, offer options before school.

• • “Would you like James or Sarah to meet up with you and walk to your next class?”
  • “Do you want to handle this change independently, or do you want me to check in?”
  • “Should we text your support person, or would you rather use your strategies solo?”
  • “Would you prefer transitioning with your study group or taking your own time?”

Extra thought: create a private signal system with your teen for transitions, like using subtle hand gestures or text emojis that mean “need backup” or “I’ve got this.” This can allow space to maintain dignity while still getting support when needed.

Remember to:

• • Keep choices limited (2-3 options maximum)
  • Make all options acceptable to you
  • Use consistent choice patterns
  • Celebrate their decision-making
  • Honor their choices when made
  • Present them before stress escalates
  • Use clear, concrete options
  • Allow processing time
  • Maintain consistent boundaries
  • Have backup options ready

Celebrate the wins when they make appropriate choices, show increased cooperation, and demonstrate better self-advocacy.

The chart below offers various transitions and support strategies.