Embracing Hope Book

Perseveration refers to repetitive, stuck, or inflexible thinking, speech, or behaviors that are difficult to stop or redirect. It goes beyond simple repetition and often happens involuntarily due to neurological differences. It is common in ASD, ADHD, FASD, and trauma-related conditions and can be misinterpreted as:

• Defiance (“Why won’t they just stop?”)
• Manipulation (“They’re just doing this to get attention.”)
• Obsessiveness (“They won’t let this go!”)
• Stubbornness (“They refuse to move on.”)
• Disrespect (“They keep arguing about the same thing.”)
• Laziness (“They’re stuck and not even trying to do something else.”)

Below are a few common symptoms of low self-esteem that are often mistaken for behaviors in our unique children that we think you’ll find valuable to understand.

Non-Verbal Communication and ​​Personal Space Navigation

Our children sometimes face challenges in understanding and using nonverbal communication, such as facial expressions, gestures, and/or other behaviors that violate unspoken social boundaries. These can include hugging people who prefer handshakes, appropriate touch, and physical spacing. Their brains process these social cues differently, leading to behaviors that can be perceived as inappropriate. For instance, if your teen stands too close to someone while talking, they might be unaware of the discomfort it causes another—a misunderstanding that often can result in social isolation. It also makes them vulnerable to manipulation and/or exploitation by others if not addressed with understanding and support.

Understanding Idioms

Just as our children can struggle with nonverbal communication, they also can misinterpret idioms because idioms rely on tone, context, and implied meaning. Their brains process social cues differently, causing them to take phrases like “spill the beans” or “break a leg” literally. These awkward interactions can make peers perceive our children as overly literal, uninterested, or rude when they fail to “read between the lines.” Misunderstanding idioms isn’t just a language issue—it’s a social behavior that often results in frustration, exclusion, or embarrassment. These challenges can push teens further into isolation if mistaken for attitude or defiance. With patience and explicit teaching, we can help them navigate figurative language and social nuance and help build stronger communication skills. (We have additional information addressing idioms on our website. Use the QR code at the end of this chapter.)

Conversation Flow Disruptions

When our children interrupt with a monologue about their interest(s) and miss turn-taking cues, it might seem like rude behavior. However, this is often a sign of a deeper issue. Often, it is because they struggle to intuitively understand the rhythm of conversation, which makes it difficult for them to pick up on subtle cues that indicate a shift in topic or a need for pause. For instance, they might continue talking about dinosaurs even when others are trying to move on to a different subject. 

Emotional Misalignment

Because our children often struggle to interpret social and emotional cues, it can lead to inappropriate actions like laughing at serious moments, missing signs of distress in others, and taking sarcasm literally. For instance, they might smile when someone shares sad news, not out of callousness but because they have difficulty reading social cues. 

My son believes that if a girl smiles at him, she is his girlfriend. So when asked, “How do you know she is your girlfriend if all she did was smile at you?” He will reply, “It’s the way she smiled at me.” (Carl)

Group Dynamic Blindness

It’s not uncommon for our children to join activities and/or misread group moods. In part, it can be that they are overwhelmed by complex social cues and dynamics. Processing multiple social signals at once can overload their abilities. This might lead to behaviors like unintentionally interrupting private conversations due to a lack of awareness of social boundaries. These challenges can make navigating social situations difficult for our children.

Context Confusion

If your child uses the same behaviors in different settings, like speaking loudly in a library, it might mean they’re not noticing the situation cues. This isn’t usually a concern; it could just mean they haven’t yet learned to recognize different contexts automatically. As they grow, they’ll probably learn to change their behavior based on where they are. 

Friendship and Stranger Misinterpretation

To expand on the first and fourth symptoms, it’s common for our children to misread social cues, mistake acquaintances for close friends, and overlook signs of manipulation. This can lead to them sharing personal secrets with a stranger or someone they barely know because they often struggle to gauge the depth of a relationship and the intentions of others—which can have a negative impact on their emotional well-being and personal safety.